I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize