nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
