wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
