There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
