sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
