Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
