Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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