I must be too annoying 4 u.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
how drunk are you?
Several
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
