Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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