Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize