I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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