Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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