When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I will pee on everything he values.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
