Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
