ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
