That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
