does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am naked and annoyed.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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