he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
