It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
