Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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