I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize