based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
