I've blown a few things in my day
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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