I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you inspire me to be a worse person
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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