So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
