I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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