You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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