I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
