life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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