From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
porn star boner night. come get it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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