He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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