you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
