The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
