Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
