Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
