Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
