I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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