Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
