I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
