umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
