I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I looked at my own cervix.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
