Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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