This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
