My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
