Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
