I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
