she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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