That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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