Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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