Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
