And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
