Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
