Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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