she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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