Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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