He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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