I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
