u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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