i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize