Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
