are you still at the devil's house?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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