hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
