Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
