I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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