What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
