Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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