Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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