I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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