hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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