So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
