i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
