You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just google imaged poop.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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