I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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