did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
