Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
