Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
