I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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